Book Summary: Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

This summary is for Never Split the Difference, a short but useful book about negotiation. Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, intersperses interesting anecdotes from his career throughout his advice.

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Key Takeaways from Never Split the Difference

• The lessons in this book are useful not just for negotiation but for any human interaction. Life is negotiation.
• The primary author, Chris Voss, is a former FBI negotiator. Starting in the 1970s, the FBI’s negotiating techniques were developed iteratively through experiences. They work because they recognise that humans are irrational.
• The importance of Black Swans:
  • A Black Swan is some information that, if known, could completely change the course of the negotiation.
  • In every negotiation, each side has at least a few Black Swans.
  • Uncovering the other side’s Black Swans requires careful questioning and listening.
• Active listening involves techniques such as mirroring, silences, and a calming voice.
  • Mirroring just involves repeating the last few words that someone says. They will inevitably elaborate on what they have just said. Mirroring can make your counterpart like you more, because we unconsciously favour people similar to ourselves.
  • Silences encourage the other side to speak, which gives you more information. People are often uncomfortable with silences and will try to fill them.
  • A calming voice makes people feel safe. Voss calls this the Late-Night FM DJ Voice. It should be deep, soft, slow and reassuring.
• Tactical empathy involves understanding your counterpart’s perspective and letting them know that.
  • Labels are useful for defusing tension and getting on the same page. Mislabelling, whether intentional or not, provides the other side an opportunity to correct you.
  • You can use labels to conduct an accusation audit against yourself. In an accusation audit, you list every negative thing that your counterpart could say about you or your motivations. When said out loud, often the accusations sound silly. It also provides your counterpart an opportunity to correct and defend you.
  • Summarising and paraphrasing your counterpart’s views will also makes them feel understood.
• Don’t be afraid of “no”. “No” starts the negotiation and makes people feel safe. People get very defensive if they feel they are being coerced or manipulated into a “yes”.
• Open-ended questions are a useful way of uncovering information.
  • Questions should generally start with “what” or “how”.
  • Questions that start with “why” tend to make people defensive, so be careful when using them. “Why” questions can usually be rephrased as a “what” question.
• If you further calibrate your questions, you can use them to guide your counterpart into seeing things your way.
  • But because you’ve used questions to guide them, they’ll have an illusion of control. They’ll think they reached those answers on their own, and will be more likely to buy into them.
  • Calibrated questions can help uncover deal-killers who are not at the table. For example, you can ask what their team thinks of this?
  • Calibrated questions can also help you and your counterpart work out how a deal will be implemented in practice.
• Time and deadlines are key to any negotiation.
  • Don’t be afraid to make your deadlines known. People often think that if the other side knows your deadlines, you’ll be at a disadvantage. But if the two of you can’t reach a deal before your deadline, that is as much a loss for your counterpart as it is for you.
• The Ackerman system is a bargaining strategy that can be summarised as: 65-85-95-100.
  • Start with an extreme low anchor at just 65% of your target price.
  • Use calibrated questions – e.g. “how can I do that” – to get your counterpart to bid against themselves.
  • Then offer 85%, 95%, and eventually 100% of your target price. (Intersperse with calibrated questions to slow this down.)
  • Your target offer should be a non-round number that suggests you’ve really worked hard to give them all you can. You can even throw in something non-monetary that the other side doesn’t want to show how far you’ve stretched.

Detailed Summary of Never Split the Difference

General approach to negotiation

Rationality vs Emotions

• In 1981, Roger Fisher and William Ury, published Getting to Yes. That book was groundbreaking and changed the way many people thought about negotiation. Their approach was very theoretical and rational. Basically it involved putting emotions aside and working cooperatively to come up with win-win solutions.
• But hostage negotiations are inevitably emotional. Fisher and Ury’s framework did not work with kidnappers.
• Negotiation is not a battle of arguments. It is a process of discovery.
• Tversky and Kahneman’s work in the field of behavioural economics discovered more than 150 ways in which humans are not rational – 150 cognitive biases. Some examples include the framing effect, prospect theory, loss aversion, certainty effect.
• For example, loss aversion can give you real leverage in a negotiation if your counterpart feels like they have something to lose.
• If you know how to affect your counterpart’s System 1 thinking, you can guide his System 2 rationality and modify his responses. At the same time, you should be careful to control your own emotions.
• Damasio, a neuroscientist, found that people who had brain damage in the part of the brain that generated emotions could not make decisions. They could describe what they should do in logical terms but they couldn’t make the actual decision (see Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain). So while logic may guide us toward a decision, the actual decision-making is governed by emotion.

Get over your Aversion to Negotiation

• Everyone hates negotiating at first. People are generally afraid of conflict. Your amygdala will try to convince you to give up an flee.
• People may not negotiate and just compromise to avoid conflict. In marriages and other close relationships, people may do this consistently and not make their needs and wants known. But excessive compromise can make people bitter and lead to divorce.
• You don’t need to like negotiating, but you should get over your fear of conflict and learn to deal with it. Conflict is a part of negotiation – and life.
• You don’t have to be a dick in negotiating either. The adversary is the situation, not the other person.
• And you don’t have to grind your opponent down, trying to get the “best” outcome possible. Just get what you think is reasonable
• Negotiation can make conflict productive. It is the key to collaboration.

Black Swans

• Even though the chapter on Black Swans is the final chapter in Voss’s book, I have put it first because I think it is central to his negotiation approach. He says so himself – he named his consulting company The Black Swan Group. Most of Voss’s tactics for active listening and empathy are aimed at uncovering Black Swans.

What is a Black Swan?

• Black Swans are hidden and unexpected pieces of information that will have a gamechanging effect on a negotiation if uncovered.
• Black Swans are “unknown unknowns”. They are events or pieces of information that are outside of what we’d normally expect. They cannot be predicted.
• If you can uncover and use a Black Swan, it will shift the negotiation dynamic drastically in your favour. Black Swans are leverage multipliers.
• A Black Swan is not necessarily information that the other side keeps closely guarded and secret. It could just something as simple as their true motivation.

What is leverage?

• Leverage is the ability to inflict loss and withhold gain. In practice, what really matters is the perceived ability to do so. Leverage is essentially an emotional concept so you can create it even if you don’t have real leverage.
• For example, in a kidnapping, you’d think the kidnapper has all the leverage. But the kidnapper only has one “buyer” for their hostage. That gives you leverage.
• As a negotiator, always be aware of which side has the most leverage. Leverage can shift during the negotiation.
• There are three types of leverage:
  • Positive leverage is the ability to provide or withhold things that the other side wants.
  • Negative leverage is the ability to make the other side loser or suffer. It’s based on threats. Voss cautions that he does not believe in making direct threats and is extremely careful with even subtle ones. People can react badly and irrationally to threats.
  • Normative leverage is using the other side’s norms and standards to advance your position. It appeals to their sense of what is right and “fair”. Knowing the other side’s “religion” – in both the literal and broader senses – helps you build influence. (A person’s religion in the literal sense has authority over them.)

How to Uncover Black Swans

• Be open-minded. Each case is new and different. Use past experience and knowledge to guide you, not blind you. Hold multiple hypotheses at the same time, and adjust as you gain new information.
• Get face time where possible. It’s really hard to uncover a Black Swan through e-mail because people have too much time to think and censor themselves. You also can’t pick up non-verbal cues through email.
• Use open-ended questions. Conventional questioning is designed to confirm known knowns [and find out known unknowns]. To discover unknown unknowns, you have to adopt a more open and questioning mindset.
• Listen intently and try to understand your counterpart’s perspective. (Other parts of the book expand on these.)
• If your counterpart says or does something that seems “crazy”, dig deeper and try to understand it. It may well be a clue that leads you to a Black Swan. Common reasons why we think the other side is crazy include:
  • They are acting on different information from what you have.
  • Constraints may exist that you are not aware of.
  • They may have other, hidden, interests.
• Observe unguarded moments. For example, just before or after a “formal” meeting. Also pay attention to your counterpart during interruptions or anything that breaks the flow.

Active Listening

• Everyone wants to be understood and accepted. When people feel like they are being listened to, they tend to be clearer about what they want and less defensive and oppositional. Listening is the cheapest and most effective concession we can make.
• Listening is not passive. It is very active.
• Listening well is very hard.
  • Normally, people engage in selective listening. We hear what we expect to hear. There is a cognitive bias that favours information consistent with our current understanding.
  • When the other side is talking, we may spend the time thinking about what we’re going to say instead of focusing on what they’re saying. The other side may be doing the same thing, which prevents meaningful communication.
• You shouldn’t take what people say too literally. That’s just the surface.

How to Listen Well

• When they are talking, focus exclusively on the other person. Don’t think about your arguments.
• Slow down. If you’re in a hurry, people will feel like they’re not being heard.
• Encourage your counterpart to talk by using mirrors and silences.
• Ensure they feel safe to speak by using your voice.
• Compare notes with team members if possible. In a hostage negotiation, the FBI will have a team of up to 5 people who just focus on listening to help the negotiator.
• Read para-verbal (how it’s said) and non-verbal cues. Mehrabian, a psychology professor at UCLA, came up with a 7-38-55 rule. 7% of a message is based on the words, 38% is from the tone of voice, and 55% is from their body language and face.
  • Pay close attention to tone and body language to make sure they line up with the words said. If they don’t, use labels to find out why they don’t align.
  • Note small pauses that may suggest discomfort and lies.

Mirrors

• Humans and other animals will naturally mirror (copy) each other to comfort each other. We tend to like things that are similar to us and fear things that are different.
• Generally mirroring is unconscious. But you can do this consciously to imply similarity. You may mirror with body language, tone of voice, vocabulary, etc. In negotiations, a mirror focuses on just the words.
• Mirroring lets you disagree without appearing disagreeable.
  • To do this, you should use a calm, soothing voice and say “I’m sorry … [mirror the last few words they just said].” Then wait – at least 4 seconds.
  • What you are trying to get across should be “Please, help me understand”, as well as respect and concern for what they’re saying.
  • When you mirror someone, they will reword what they say. They won’t say it exactly like they did the first time.
• Mirroring can feel very awkward at first but gets easier with practice.

Your Voice

• Your voice is your most powerful tool in any verbal communication.
• Most of the time you should use a positive, playful voice. It should be light and easygoing. Relax and smile as you talk – the smile can be picked up even on the phone. A positive voice will put people into a more positive frame of mind.
• Sometimes you can use a deep, calming, soothing voice (the late-night FM DJ voice) to make a point. It makes you come off authoritative and trustworthy.
• You should rarely use a direct or assertive voice in negotiations. It will cause problems and create pushback.

Tactical Empathy

• Empathy is paying attention to another person and understanding their world and what they are feeling. Empathy is not about being nice to others. You don’t have to agree with their values and beliefs but you should understand them.
• Tactical empathy is not only understanding a person’s feelings and mindset but also what is behind those feelings. This helps you to speak persuasively to them and develop options that appeal to them.
  • People tend to trust those who are similar to them. Building rapport and getting someone to see you as part of their “in-group” makes you more influential with them.
  • Putting things into your counterpart’s worldview also shows them respect.
• The reasons why someone won’t make a deal with you are often more powerful than the reasons why they will, so focus on those first.
• You should understand what the emotional drivers behind what the other party truly values. For example, a babysitter doesn’t just sell child care, they sell a relaxed evening. A locksmith sells a feeling of security.

Labels

• Emotions can derail a negotiation if one side stops thinking rationally. So instead of ignoring emotions, you should be able to identify and influence them.
• One way to do this is to label emotions. This validates and acknowledges the emotion, and shows you understand how they feel.
• Use a neutral statement such as “It seems/sounds/looks like …”, which also leaves room for them to disagree.
• Labelling fears and other negative things can also take the “sting” out of them. Things often seem less scary or a bit ridiculous when they are verbalised. You may also be able to follow up by offering a positive solution.
• Before trying it out, most people think that labelling is really awkward and that people will get annoyed at you trying to “tell them how they feel”. But in practice, most people don’t even notice.
• After you’ve used a label, be silent. Don’t follow it up with a specific question. The label itself will invite the other person to talk.

Accusation audits

• An accusation audit is when you list out every bad thing your counterpart could say about you. You can then verbalise one or two of them – e.g. “Look, I’m an asshole.”, “Look, I know you think we’re ripping you off.”
• If they were actually thinking those things, they may feel relieved to have their fears verbalised and explain their concerns. If they weren’t thinking those things, they may disagree with and correct you.
• For example, defence attorneys will often list out the defendant’s bad points at the start of a trial to downplay them.

“No” and the 3 Types of “Yes”

“No”

• A “no” from your counterpart is good – it starts the negotiation by identifying objections.
• It is a safe choice that maintains the status quo. The need to feel safe and the need to feel in control are very primal needs. You can’t logically convince them that they are safe or in control. But once they say “no”, people feel like they’ve protected themselves and in control. They can then be more open and collaborative.
• “No” is not permanent. It is often just a temporary decision to maintain the status quo. Often it means “Not yet“. It slows things down.
• Sometimes it can be hard getting your counterpart to actually say “no”.
  • One way to do this is to mislabel one of their concerns. They can then correct you by saying “no”. Voss uses “Have you given up on this project?” to provoke responses to emails if the other side is not replying.
  • Another option is to ask them what they don’t want. They can define want they want as a function of what they don’t.
• Once someone has said “No”, you can then use solution-based questions or labels to work out what the real issues are. For example:
  • “What about this doesn’t work for you?”
  • “It seems like there’s something here that bothers you.”

“Yes”

• Pushing hard for a “Yes” can piss people off. If you push for a “yes” too early, your counterpart may get defensive and skittish.
• There are actually 3 types of “Yes”:
  • Counterfeit. This is just a “Yes” that people say to get you to stop bothering them. After they’ve said it, they’ll find some way to wriggle out of the deal.
  • Confirmation. This is just confirming that they’ve heard or understood what you’re saying. It’s often reflexive and innocent, but it’s not true commitment.
  • Commitment. This is the real “Yes”. A true agreement.
• The 3 types of “Yes” can sound similar so you need to identify which one is being used. An early “yes” may just be a Counterfeit o Confirmation “yes”.
• Many people are very good at the Counterfeit “yes”, but it’s hard for people to lie repeatedly. Use the Rule of Three by making the other side agree to the same thing 3 times in the same conversation. To avoid sounding like a broken record, switch up your tactics – e.g. summarise or paraphrase to get a “That’s right”, or use a calibrated question about implementation to see if they’re on board.

“That’s right”

• Psychologist Carl Rogers proposed that real change can only come about when a therapist accepts the client as they are – when they give them unconditional positive regard. When people feel that positive regard is conditional, they will hide who they really are. They will say and act in ways that get approval but disclose little about what they truly think.
• In a negotiation, you want your counterpart to feel unconditional positive regard. The more that a person feels understood and positively affirmed, the more likely they are to act constructively.
• “That’s right” signals a breakthrough in a negotiation. It’s a sign that your counterpart embraces what you’ve said and feels like you truly understand their perspective. It can break down a barrier that was keeping negotiations deadlocked.
• You can trigger “That’s right” by paraphrasing and summarising the other side’s concerns. A good summary combines a paraphrase of what the other side has said with a label acknowledging the emotions underlying those concerns.
• Don’t confuse this with “You’re right”. “You’re right” is often just used to get someone to go away. [Sort of like a counterfeit “yes”?] Whereas “That’s right” means that they have assessed what you have said and embraced it of their own free will.

Don’t Compromise

• The win-win mindset is usually ineffective. If your counterpart has a win-lose approach, you’re setting yourself up to lose if you have a win-win mindset.
• Compromise or “splitting the difference” is often a bad deal. No deal is better than a bad deal.
• We don’t compromise because it’s right, we compromise because it’s easy and safe.

Time and deadlines

• Time is a crucial variable in a negotiation.
• Deadlines regularly make people say and do impulsive things that are against their best interests. A good negotiator resists this urge but takes advantage of it in others.
• Deadlines are usually a lot more important in a person’s head than in the real world. They’re often arbitrary and almost always flexible.
• People commonly think that if the other side knows your deadline but you don’t know theirs, it puts you at a disadvantage. But deadlines cut both ways. When a negotiation is over for one side, it’s over for the other, too.
• Don Moore, a professor at UC Berkeley, says that hiding a deadline puts you in the worst possible situation and increases the risk of an impasse. This is because as your deadline approaches, you’ll speed up your concessions – but the other side may hold out for more, thinking they have more time. So you end up negotiating against yourself.
• In hostage situations, the FBI could tell how close they were to a kidnapper’s self-imposed deadlines by how specific their threats were. For example, “Give us the money or your aunt will die” is a very non-specific early stage threat.

No Such Thing as “Fair”

• People are greatly affected by what they think is “fair”. There are examples of people making decisions that are costly to themselves in order to avoid something they think is unfair.
• There are 3 ways people use “fair” in negotiations:
  • As a defensive move that implicitly accuses the other side of unfairness – e.g. “We just want what’s fair”. The person saying this might not be deliberately manipulating you either.
  • To accuse you of being unfair or stupid by not accepting their offer – e.g. “We’ve given you a fair offer”. Voss suggests responding to this by mirroring (“A fair offer?”) and labelling (“It seems like you’re ready to provide the evidence that supports that”).
  • To set the stage for honest and constructive negotiation – e.g. “I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly. So please let me know if you think I’m being unfair at any point and we’ll address it.” Voss likes using this early on in negotiations.

Prospect Theory Negotiation Tactics

1. Anchor their emotions for a loss. You can start with an accusation audit acknowledging their fears. This will trigger their loss aversion and they’ll try to avoid it.
2. Let them go first (usually). Neither side has perfect information in a negotiation. If you don’t know the market value of what you are negotiating, you can’t open with confidence. Letting them go first makes them reveal information first. But you have to be prepared to psychologically withstand their anchor.
3. Use a range. If you have to name your price, think of a similar deal which establishes a “ballpark”. Use a “bolstering range” so that, even if they come in at the low end (which is likely), you’ll still get what you want.
4. Pivot to nonmonetary terms. Dealing with numbers only leads to a series of rigid positions. If they can offer things that aren’t that difficult to them but are valuable to you, or vice versa, that can compensate for a low price.
5. Use unrounded numbers. A number that sounds less rounded feels like a figure that you have carefully thought about. It can suggest you’ve really stretched – especially if you offer it late in the negotiation after making several “rounded” offers.
6. Surprise with a gift. After your initial offer has been rejected, offer them a wholly unrelated gift. This can trigger their reciprocity reflex. You can also

Salary negotiations

• Be pleasantly persistent on non-monetary terms. The more you talk about non-monetary terms, the more likely you are to hear the full range of options. If they can’t meet your non-monetary requests, they may offer more money.
• Define success terms. Once you’ve negotiated a salary, define success terms for your role and the metrics you need to meet to get your next raise. It can get you a planned raise and shows that you are eager to succeed.
• Make them invested in your success. An employee that a manager chooses to hire reflects on that manager. You can sell yourself as a way to validate their own intelligence to the rest of the organisation. Ask them what it takes to succeed in the role.

Calibrated, Open-ended, Questions

• A good negotiator guides their counterpart to the decision they want. The aim is to make the counterpart feel like they came to their decision by themselves. Give them the illusion of control.
• Close-ended questions can create a tit-for-tat mentality. Asking for something with a close-ended question will mean that, if they grant your request, you will “owe” them.
• An open-ended, calibrated question changes that dynamic. It’s not a request for help but can force the other side to stop and think about how to solve your problem. It also removes any aggression from a close-ended request.
• “How am I supposed to do that?” is one of the best calibrated questions. It allows you to say “no” without saying so. The key is to deliver it in a way that shows you are genuinely asking for help. Don’t ask it in an accusatory, rhetorical sense. Without any accusations, it makes your counterpart understand things from your perspective and think about how to solve your problem.
• Calibrated questions have a direction. You calibrate them to guide your counterpart in the direction you want to go.
• Generally start your questions with “what” or “how”. “Why” sounds accusatory and can trigger defensiveness, so should be used carefully. Many “why” questions can be converted to a “what” question instead – e.g. “what are the reasons for that”?

Execution – “Yes” is Nothing Without “How”

• You need to get to an agreement that can be implemented.
• To make sure your counterpart is on board, ask questions like, “How will we know if we’re on track?” “How will we address things if they go off track?”.
  • Summarise their answers until you get a “That’s right”.
  • If instead they say “You’re right” or “I’ll try”, they’re not yet on board.
• There may be other people, not at the negotiating table, who can be deal makers or killers. To get your deal implemented, you need them to be on board also. Ask questions like:
  • “How does this affect the rest of your team?”
  • “How on board are the people not on this call?”

Bargaining

• Bargaining is uncomfortable for most people. But conflict is often the path to great deals.
• Don’t fall victim to others’ extreme anchors. Some suggestions for how to do this:
  • Respond with a calibrated question (e.g. “How am I supposed to do that?”)
  • Deflect it by directing your counterpart’s attention elsewhere, such as to non-monetary terms (e.g. “What are we trying to accomplish here?”, “Let’s put price off to the side for now.”)
• If you are pushed to name your price first, suggest a very high number that someone else might charge.
• Researchers have found that people who get concessions during bargaining often feel better than those who are given a single offer – even if they end up paying more under the bargaining process!

3 negotiating styles

• People fall into three broad categories (more info on Voss’s company’s website here):
  • Analysts are methodical and diligent. They are willing to take the time needed to get the right result. They rarely show emotion and will often speak in a cold and distant way, which can put people off. Analysts hate surprises and will prepare extensively to avoid them. They are also hypersensitive to reciprocity.
    • If you’re facing an Analyst, be prepared and use data to support your points. They respond fairly well to labels, but are not quick to answer calibrated questions.
    • If you are an Analyst, try to smile when you speak. Your counterpart is a great source of information and smiling will encourage them to be more forthcoming with it.
    • Silence for an Analyst is fine since it gives them more time to think.
  • Accommodators care the most about the relationship. They love win-wins, which leave them on great terms with their counterpart. But Accommodators can focus on building rapport without actually accomplishing anything.
    • If you’re facing an Accommodator, be sociable and friendly. Use calibrated questions to nudge them along if needed. Since they’re so agreeable, it can be hard to uncover their real objections. Make sure they can actually implement the deal they’ve agreed to.
    • If you are an Accommodator, make sure you voice your objections. Be conscious of excessive or unnecessary chitchat so that things actually get done.
    • Silence can mean anger for an Accommodator.
  • Assertive people care about efficiency and getting as much done as possible in the time available. It doesn’t have to be perfect as long as it’s done. They also love winning, often at the expense of others. Their communication style can be aggressive as they don’t worry about future interactions – it’s all business. Above all, Assertives want to be heard and they won’t listen to you until they feel they’ve been heard.
    • If you’re facing an Assertive, let them speak. Use mirrors, labels, calibrated questions and summaries. Make sure you get a “That’s right” from them.
    • If you are an Assertive, be conscious of your tone. You may come off sounding harsh even if you don’t intend to. Use calibrated questions and labels to seem more approachable.
    • Silence to an Assertive means you don’t want to talk, and they will gladly take the opportunity to talk instead.
• To be truly effective, you need elements from each of these 3.
• Many of us fall prey to the “I am normal” paradox and project our own negotiating styles on our counterparts. But people are different. Don’t treat people the way you want to be treated; treat them the way they need to be treated.

Ackerman model

• Mike Ackerman was an ex-CIA guy. The Ackerman model is helpful in bargaining or haggling type situations.
• The model involves 4 steps:
  1. Set your target price.
  2. Your offers will then be calculated based on that target – first 65%, then 85%, 95% and finally 100%.
  3. Use lots of empathy, calibrated questions, and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to bid against themselves before increasing your offer.
  4. When giving the final offer, use a precise non-round number. Also throw in a non-monetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at your limit.

Prepare a Negotiation One Sheet

• A negotiation “one sheet” is a single document that summarises the tools to use in a particular negotiation.
• There are 5 sections:
  1. The Goal. Think through the best and worse case scenarios but just write down the best case one as your goal.
     • Focus on your goal – it will motivate you and prime you for thinking anything less than your best case is a “loss”. People who expect more get it.
     • The worse case scenario is your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). The problem with focusing on a BATNA is that it tricks you into aiming low.
     • Remain flexible. It’s possible there’s some Black Swan that helps you get something better than even your best case scenario.
  2. Summary. Summarise and write out in a few sentences the facts that led to the negotiation. Get on the same page as your counterpart at the outset.
  3. Labels/Accusation audit. Prepare 3 to 5 labels to perform an accusation audit. Spend some time roleplaying it. Also think about some labels that you can use extract information from your counterpart or defuse an accusation.
  4. Calibrated questions. Prepare 3 to 5 calibrated questions to reveal value and identify and overcome potential deal killers. Also be ready with follow-up labels to their answers to your questions – this will put the conversation back to them, which will keep providing you information. Suggested questions include:
     • General: What are we trying to accomplish? How does that affect things? What’s the core issue here?
     • To identify deal killers not at the table: How does this affect the rest of your team? What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?
     • To identify deal-killing issues: What’s the biggest challenge you face? What happens if you do nothing?
  5. Non-cash offers. Prepare a list of any non-cash items your counterpart has that may be valuable.

Other Interesting Points

• The term “Black Swan” dates back to the 17th century. Back then, people thought all swans were white. Black swans were thought to be impossible. In 1697, an explorer, Willem de Vlamingh, actually saw a black swan. What had previously been thought to be impossible was now found to be real.
• The less important someone makes themselves out to be (e.g. by using group pronouns like “we”, “us”), the more important he probably is (at least in hostage negotiations).
• Japanese businessmen often use translators even when they understand what the other side is saying. The translator gives them more time to think about what to say.
• On average, liars tend to use more words and more complex sentences as they work harder to be believed. They also use far more third person pronouns to put some distance between themselves and the lie. Maholtra, a Harvard professor, dubbed this the Pinocchio Effect.
• Using your own name in a negotiation can create “forced empathy” and make the other side see you more as a person.

My Thoughts

I liked the anecdotes sprinkled throughout the book. It was interesting hearing about some real-life hostage situations, as well as examples of how some of the techniques could be used in more ordinary business and life situations.

At the end of each chapter, Voss summarised the key points of that chapter, which I also appreciated and found useful.

Voss is pretty upfront that his advice is largely based on his experience and training rather than on academic studies. That said, he does refers to some scientific studies and other theories for negotiation (e.g. “Getting to Yes”, or BATNAs) as appropriate.

The book started out very strong and finished reasonably strong. But I think it lost its way a bit in the middle, where Voss just gives bits of negotiating advice and tactics that didn’t seem to be organised in a particularly logical way. This is probably reflected in my summary being somewhat disorganised, too.

I can’t help thinking that there’s only so much one can learn about negotiation from reading a book. Of course, that’s not Voss’ fault, but I’m not sure yet how much use I will end up getting out of this book – and whether I will recommend it to others. So far I have found myself making more of an effort to actively listen to others. Whether I am successful in that – time will tell.

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